Spam FAIL!

Spam email is a part of our daily lives, thanks to the freely exchanged email address phenomena that happens every minute on the interwebs. Early samples of spam (circa 5 to 10 years ago) usually included somewhat of a marketing sense, aiming at a particular group of individuals, and usually offering a real, tangible product. Sometimes, albeit rarely, spam emails would be a scam, hoping to lure the unknowing into sending them money.

Today’s Spam is much, much different. There is ZERO marketing sense at all. And the scams have become so blatantly obvious, your 5-year-old kid would laugh them off. The emails are misspelled, non-grammatically correct, often in a different language altogether, and they simply aren’t eye-catching or appealing as earlier spam emails were.

Let’s take a look at some examples that I’ve pulled from my very own spam folder in my email box today:

SUBJECT: Get your pecker boosted. Thinning hair can be properly treated with Rogaine.

I’m sorry, but what are you trying to sell to me? Rogaine with Viagra mixed in? Also, I don’t have a ‘pecker’ to call my own, and my hair is quite thick. Try a different demographic next time.

SUBJECT: JobSearch information letter (ref. 3792idiot)

Excuse me, but did you just call me an idiot? Oh, that was just part of the reference number? Of the job I was searching for? OOHHHHH. I see. Wait, when was I searching for a job? I wasn't, because I’ve had the SAME FUCKING JOB FOR SEVEN YEARS!!! Yeah, nice try.

SUBJECT: FINAL AWARD WINNING NOTIFICATION

OMGOMGOMG! I WON! Like, a bazillion Nigerian dollars! I’ve never sent an entry for a Nigerian Lottery, but gosh darnit, I won! Oh, and all I need to do is send them my first-born child along with 80 bazillion dollars in order to claim my prize? Count me in! o_0

And, my dear spammy friends, I want to make it clear to you that I am not a senior citizen who is on Medicare and needs diabetic supplies. Nor am I a voyeuristic creep that wants to watch 24-hour live teen webcams. And I’m very sorry, but I just don’t have a use for fifteen Rolex “replicas” that you want to sell me for more than what a real Rolex costs.

That being said, spam is here to stay, and will forever be as annoying as the mosquitoes in the springtime. Trust your spam filters - what they put into the "Spam" folder should be deleted. But don't always trust your inbox. Spam is constantly changing and weaseling it's way through the spam filters.

Time to go read some REAL email. Like the one I just got from some old farmer who wants to give me all his land and billions of dollars when he dies. Now THAT's a deal!